Is there any positive side from a breaking point?

Every time we meet someone new in our lives, we can never guess what each person has lived through, what situations each one has had to face and what are the reasons that makes them as they are.

If I could make a survey I would like to ask the people who have known me in different stages of my life, what they know or can describe about me. I hope all would agree on some essential characteristics, but I also hope they would agree that I am a different person than the one they used to know.

I have learnt who we are in the present is defined by the situations we have had to face and experience in our lives. Some of those can be the happiest and brightest memories, and others can be the saddest, terrifying, crucial situations that challenge us on an intellectual and / or emotional level.

How I'm learning this? We have experienced an unexpected, shocking, painful loss that turned upside down everything we used to know in our lives as a family. For some reason no one can ever figure out, my sister left this world at the age of 34 in 2015, without preexisting illness or visible signs of ailment. As she left this world, our lives, our dreams, our plans, our hearts and undoubtedly our minds were forced to change in an extreme way.

I have learnt who we are in the present is defined by the situations we have had to face and experience in our lives.

Needless to say, our world and our lives will never be the same without her, giving the fact she was in every treasurable moment we could have ever imagined to live as a family. Our hearts were broken and our minds were trying to keep us as sane as possible now that life was asking us to learn how to keep living, and yes, with broken hearts. This request from life is challenging us on many different levels ever since.

At the same time I was in psychotherapy, learning to listen to myself, a very fortunate decision I made was starting the practice of meditation. I have learnt that it is our mind which decides how to live. After a crisis, it is our mind which decides if we are going to be stronger or weaker, happier or sadder, better or worse. It is our minds’ job to figure out how to overcome new scenarios and which options and paths we are going to take.

I have learnt it is a personal job to decide whether to live a heartless or a compassionate and kind life (non of them are simple or easy paths to walk). what I've notice is that one moment you feel like nothing and no one in the world could ever possibly make your life happy again and in another you feel like everything is possible and you can see something positive once you have come through the mourning and grieving after the loss of a loved one.

About myself, being able to keep walking with a hole in my heart has had the power to show me how tough and resilient I can be. It is showing me the beauty and worth of having a life to live, to share and to fill with joy and love. A lifetime, short or long, to fill with either beautiful memories, hard lessons or dreams to achieve, but always live fully.

My loss is helping me to understand that adversity is there to show you how essencial it is to give value to the truly important things in life. Adversity can also give you the wisdom to stop wasting time, having worries or shed tears in worthless things. Once you know how it feels to have a truly broken heart, things are seen in perspective and you stop exaggerating things that can be solved or can be changed.

My sister’s loss was a breaking point for me, there is a clear line that separates a before and an after in my life. I have been challenged in this unexpected scenario for the past years, and thankfuly I have found the strengh, the love and the happines to keep enjoying life and certanly, with more appreciation for each moment lived.

Today I am sure I’m not the person I used to be ,and I know I’m not the person that I will be in years to come as change is the only thing we have for certain. I have had the fortune to find a light inside me that is making me decide to fill my life with compassion and love. I have started with myself and I’m trying to spread it to others. I hope to keep this in mind -and in heart- from now on, and I hope you all can find the light that lives in each of you to overcome whatever the life brings for you.

All my love, Ana Hope

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Special Note: To my sister Kary I can only say: THANK YOU! For being a bright, beautiful, positive, joyful light in my journey. You are in my heart and you will always be, I love you.